How To Move On From Being Ghosted
When someone has been ghosted, the person they bonded or connected with, often over several dates or even longer, suddenly disappears in a phantom-like way. Never to hear from them or see them again. Poof! Radio silence. Crickets.
You have been ghosted. It’s a terrible feeling. But there ARE ways you can move on from being ghosted and reclaim your sense of self and confidence.
I know in your moment of pain of being ghosted, you feel it’s impossible to move on, but that’s not true. The first thing to remember is the other person has already moved on. The second thing to remember is that their ghosting behavior says a lot about them - and not in a good way - how they handle conflict, communicate, and show respect to you.
What Does Being Ghosted Mean?
Ghosting is basically defined as a potential partner who completely disappears from conversation and your life after a few dates. They will vanish like a ghost after a few days of talking or texting, and often cancel plans they made to meet - more than once.
It’s confusing and a painful blow. The paradox of our fast-paced digital dating culture allows us to quickly connect and then disconnect from someone. In the blink of an eye, they are gone. Ghosting denies the opportunity for discussion and closure - so you have to create your own.
It’s far from new, but as dating grows faster, it’s become more convenient and less personal. The person who ghosts you is in a simple word, a coward.
The way one person can cut another person out of their life is horrendous. Not only have they dumped you, but now you’re also being ghosted.
When you’re the one who’s been ghosted, you are overcome with feelings of rejection, anger, and confusion, which is entirely normal.
At first, you may actually worry about the other person’s well-being. Is he or she safe? Did they get hurt? I just want to make sure they are ok – then I can move on. You end up waiting to hear something, anything. You constantly check your phone for texts, calls, and emails after reaching out. Don’t bother.
Ghosting leaves more questions than answers. It’s a cruel phenomenon with absolutely no regard for the other person.
Am I Being Ghosted?
Let me guess, a recent love interest of yours was picking up, things were getting exciting and progressing quickly, and then - Bam. Boom. Gone. Without a word. The love interest disappears without a trace.
Let’s take a look at a couple of common types of ghosting to help you decide whether you are being ghosted or not.
Ghosted Example 1 - Linda and Tom (not their real names)
Linda, 25, started dating Tom, 29. Things happened pretty quickly, but they appeared to be on the same page. At least that’s what Linda believed. They’d met each other’s friends and planned a day trip out of the city together the next day.
He sent her a text saying he was on his way to her apartment to pick her up. As time progressed and despite her numerous texts to him, he never showed up. For the next few days, she sent several texts to make sure he was okay. She never heard from the ghost again. Linda was ghosted.
Ghosted Example 2 - Shawn and Pam (not their real names)
Shawn 37 and Pam 39 had been dating for one year. Although Pam had introduced her daughter to Shawn, he still hadn’t introduced his son to Pam. And she wasn’t brought his family. When she brought this up and the status of their relationship, Shawn said he needed more ‘time.’ She reached out to him to see what was going on, and all she received was silence on the other end.
Different Types of Ghosting
1. Love Bomb Ghosting or Mosting
To take it a step further, sometimes you may meet a prospective partner that you have been seeing for a bit and has totally ‘loved-bombed’ you. They make you think they are head over heels for you, only to vanish shortly after.
This is referred to as ‘mosting’ because not only have they ghosted you, but they’ve done it after unnecessarily making you think they have quickly fallen for you.
2. Submarining or Zombie-ing
Aside from the examples above, there is another type of ghosting that goes by two different names - Submarining or Zombie-ing.
The reason for this name is because in this circumstance, the potential partner ghosts you only to reappear a few months later.
Often, they reappear when you are either moving on or finally getting over them - the one who is ghosting you is like a submarine reappearing or a zombie coming back to life.
If you are in a situation like ‘submarining’ and you do end up hearing from them again, it is rarely ever because they actually care and want another chance. They have ghosted you and are now trying to manipulate you again.
Sadly, sometimes it’s just fueled by loneliness, boredom, or rebounding to make themselves feel better. Think about it - if they ghosted you so early on before a relationship could even form, how can they truly miss you? They don’t.
Many are bored just killing time scrolling through all their past text messages with you - and most likely many others like you. You are not the only one who has been ghosted.
No matter what reason they give you, no matter how good, you can’t trust it. A relationship with a ghoster will likely be toxic for you. They took their first chance with you and showed you immediately that you couldn’t trust them or rely on them.
Signs To Look For That Someone Might Be Ghosting You.
1.) They have commitment issues. They struggle with commitment in other areas of their life. And some people have issues with commitment where they fall in and out of love quickly. This can be a major red flag in relationships.
2.) They rarely respond to your texts or calls. Or if they do, they are half-hearted or intermittent. Just enough to keep you coming around.
3.) They don’t follow through. They might say they forgot or have other plans, or just forget entirely. You are left wondering what the situation is.
4.) Family and friends. You are not part of their inner friends or family circle. They don’t include you in gatherings.
5.) They are uninterested in getting together. They seem unbothered that you are not spending time together.
6.) Something feels ‘off'.’ We all know this feeling. Honor that gut instinct that we all have.
If you are being ghosted and want to move on with your life, book a free 15-minute consultation today to see how we can work together and how I can help you work on getting over being ghosted. Just click the button below.
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How to get over being ghosted
1.) Don’t make it about you. Its highly likely that the person ghosting you has a keen ability to avoid confrontation at all costs. They have avoidance issues - Of relationships. Of life.
2. Set healthy boundaries. Block them on your social media. NOW. Set boundaries with yourself and how much time you spend thinking about this person. Don’t let them ‘rent space in your brain.’
3. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t make their ghosting about you. It’s not. Their ghosting says a lot about them and nothing about you.
4. Stop wasting your energy. Don’t waste your time or energy on someone who is unsure or unclear or doesn’t know how to communicate in healthy ways and chooses to take the easy and cowardly way out.
5. Increase your self-care. Taking care of yourself is always important but during challenging times, even more important. Ways you can do that: spend time outside in nature, journal, pick up a hobby, take a online class - something that is fun - or in person.
6. Spend time with family and friends. Surround yourself with the people that mean the most to you and will support you.
7. Seek professional help. Often working with a therapist can help you during this challenging time and also help you get back on your feet.
Remember, they lack emotional maturity that comes with giving the person you are dating an ounce of common courtesy is not in their emotional vocabulary or repertoire. Their emotional immaturity prevents them from doing the right thing and come clean about wanting to move on.
Final Thoughts
Ghosting never feels good. But there are ways you can overcome the negative thoughts and feelings you are currently experiencing. Just start.
The most important thing is to not give this person anymore time. The energy you are giving him or her, should be given to yourself.
The best way to move on from someone who has ghosted you is to not let them have the chance to hurt you again. They had their chance and demonstrated they were unworthy of wasting any further time on.
Go find someone who you feel is a good fit for you and isn’t likely to ghost you. Don’t waste your time on someone who is unsure or unclear or doesn’t know how to communicate in healthy ways where they are and chooses to take the easy and cowardly way out.
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