Dealing with a Codependent Parent: How to Reclaim Your Voice

When Your Parent Depends on You Too Much

Having a codependent parent isn’t just emotionally exhausting—it can shape how you see yourself, your relationships, and your role in the world. What looks like love or “just being close” can actually be a pattern of control, guilt, and emotional enmeshment.

In a healthy parent-child relationship, the parent nurtures and guides the child. But in codependent dynamics, the roles often reverse. The child ends up emotionally responsible for the parent—sometimes for their moods, their sense of self-worth, even their identity. You might also have become a people pleaser. Read more about that here.

Regardless - having a codependent parent can leave lasting scars.

What Codependency in a Parent Looks Like

Codependent parents don’t usually realize they’re crossing boundaries. They often lean on their child to meet emotional needs that should be fulfilled elsewhere. That might look like:

• Oversharing about adult problems - also known as parentification. Read more here on overcoming parentification. Also check out my interactive workbook to do just that.

• Making the child responsible for their happiness.

• Discouraging independence and encouraging more codependency and enmeshment.

• Guilt-tripping or emotionally manipulating when boundaries are set.

At the root, codependent parents tend to struggle with self-worth, emotional regulation, and often have unresolved trauma of their own. Often times, their trauma has been years in the making and not addressed.

How It Affects You

If you grew up with a codependent parent, you might:

• Struggle to know who you really are outside of others' expectations.

• Feel guilty for setting boundaries or putting your needs first.

• Find yourself over-functioning in relationships.

• Have low self-esteem or feel like you’re never “enough”.

• Look for external validation to feel okay.

This emotional over-responsibility can leave you feeling like you're always "on"—tuning into everyone else's needs while ignoring your own. This is an exhausting way to live.

5 Signs You’re Dealing with a Codependent Parent

1. They try to control your life.
   They might mask it as concern or love—but they want to know everything, influence your decisions, control your behaviors, and “fix” your problems. You feel like your emotions aren't yours anymore. This feels suffocating to you (because it is).

2. They guilt trip you.
   Whether it's subtle comments like, “You never call anymore,” or more overt emotional reactions, guilt becomes a tool to get their needs met.

3. They blur or ignore boundaries.
   They have no sense of where they end and you begin. Your time, your emotions, your life choices—nothing feels truly yours. They have learned to disregard their own needs and expect the same from you. Their lack of self-worth is contingent on you.

4. They manipulate through emotion.
   Mood swings, the silent treatment, playing the victim—these are common when they feel rejected or out of control. And when they feel they are losing control over the situation, they will escalate their emotions. If you attempt to set a boundary or call them out for their irrational behaviors, they will accuse you of being insensitive or just ignore you.

5. They always play the victim.
   Everything becomes about how they feel, even if you're the one hurt. They expect you to fix what went wrong in their life—even if it wasn’t your responsibility. They play the role of victim by sulking when they don’t get their way or until you feel guilty and agree with them. They also have the victim mentality even if they were the wrong one.

5 Ways to Begin Reclaiming Your Identity

1. Start with awareness.
   You can’t change what you don’t see. Begin noticing where you feel resentment, guilt, or exhaustion in your relationship with your parent. Keep a feelings journal where you write down and track your thoughts and feelings that come up. This is how you feel in real time and will help you start to set boundaries.

2. Set and hold boundaries.
   Yes, it will feel uncomfortable at first—especially if you’re used to keeping the peace. But boundaries are essential for your emotional well-being. Start small and don’t expect change (from yourself, NOT them) overnight.

3. Stop enabling.
   You’re not responsible for their mood, their happiness, or their healing. Let them feel disappointed. Let them be uncomfortable. That’s not cruelty—it’s clarity. You are your own person, and allowing them to manage their moods, will start to take the pressure off of you.

4. Prioritize self-care.
   Not just bubble baths—real self-care. Time with healthy people. Rest. Reflection. Things that connect you to yourself, not just what others need from you. This can also include physical activity, journaling, engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Schedule these things in your calendar and hold yourself accountable.

5. Seek support.
   Therapy can be a game-changer. Whether it’s understanding your childhood, learning to self-validate, or untangling toxic guilt, having a guide helps. I work with a lot of people who struggle with a codependent parent. Reach out and let’s chat!

Final Thoughts

Healing from a codependent parent-child relationship isn’t about blame—it’s about reclaiming your life. It’s about shifting from “What do they need from me?” to “What do I need to thrive?” You don’t have to cut ties to grow—but you do need to stop shrinking.

Small steps matter. A new boundary. A quiet “no.” A moment where you choose yourself. Those are the seeds of freedom.

Need Help Untangling Codependency?

If you’re ready to break free from the cycle of guilt, people-pleasing, and emotional over-responsibility, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s talk about how we can work together to help you reclaim your life.

Looking to live more intentionally? Check out my new interactive workbook here!

Embark on a transformative journey with our workbook featuring 57 thought-provoking questions designed to guide you toward a more intentional and purposeful life.

Explore your values, clarify your goals, and cultivate greater self-awareness through engaging exercises that empower you to make mindful choices and create a life aligned with your deepest aspirations.

This post was updated in 2025 to reflect new insights and clearer guidance.