How Emotional Abuse from Your Partner Can Affect You

RelationshipsDatingabusive relationshipstoxic relationships

Dec 13

What are the effects of emotional abuse from your partner?

It is often easier to recognize physical abuse than emotional abuse because emotional abuse is often hidden and goes unnoticed. And although it doesn't leave visible bruises on you, emotional abuse absolutely affects people in significant and long-lasting ways.

This article shares how emotional abuse from your partner can affect you.

What is emotional abuse in a relationship?

Emotional abuse is defined as any kind of abuse that isn't physical, including verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming; isolation; intimidation; and controlling behavior.

It can also come in the form of toying with someone’s emotions.

There are significant psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship such depression, anxiety, and interpersonal problems. Being yelled at lowers a person’s self-esteem, contributes to sleep issues, makes them feel on edge, and increases their body’s autonomic arousal system.

Many people experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms such as feeling the need to be on guard, a fragile startle response, hypervigilance, feeling like they are walking on eggshells, and always being in a state of alertness.

It can happen to anybody, in any kind of relationship. It occurs between partners (straight, gay, married, coupled up), co-workers, parent/child, siblings, and family members. All abusive relationships are toxic. I know all of this to be true, because I was once a victim of emotional (and physical) abuse. Read my story here.

Interested in living a more intentional and purposeful life? Check out my new interactive workbook that has 40 thought-provoking questions to help guide you here!

How to recognize emotional abuse in a relationship

Emotional and verbal abuse in relationships is more subtle than physical abuse, and it often goes unnoticed by friends and family. The first step in dealing with emotional abuse is recognizing that it is happening.

Here are seven common behaviors of emotional abuse in a relationship:

1. Controlling Behavior or Isolation

Your partner prevents you from seeing friends or family members and tries to control who you spend time with. They may also prevent you from going to work by taking away your transportation or by calling so many times that it disrupts your work schedule.

They control your social life, when you go out and with whom, what you wear, or what type of job you can have.

2. Threats

Your partner threatens to hurt themselves or others if you leave the relationship. They may also threaten to damage your property or threaten to kill pets or other things that you care about. These threats may also occur if you don’t do something “correctly”. They are just a threatening type of person. You walk on eggshells around them and fearful of doing ‘something wrong.’

3. Humiliation and Criticism

Your partner makes fun of you in front of others or calls you names such as "stupid" or "crazy." He or she puts you down, including your looks, abilities, ideas, or emotions. You feel like a fool in front of him and wonder what other people think of you.

4. Gas-lighting

Your partner makes you doubt your sanity by denying that they said or did something, even though you know they did. For example, if you ask your partner to stop making fun of your outfit, and they deny doing so by telling you you’re being dramatic, that's gas-lighting. You feel like you are ‘crazy.’ They use this word often to describe you.

5. Projecting

Your partner blames you for their behavior and says things like "You made me do this". It's never the case that one person makes another person do something. People are responsible for their own behavior and deeds.

6. Yelling and Screaming

Your partner yells at you or screams at you in a hostile way, it can be extremely upsetting and traumatic. This yelling and screaming are often excessive, demeaning, and threatening. Your partner should respect you and treat you calmly.

7. Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail primarily comes in the form of saying something like, "if you really loved me…". This is a common form of emotional abuse as it makes the victim feel as though they are doing something wrong.

If you have noticed any of these signs of emotional abuse in your life, I provide a free 20-minute consultation to see how we can work together to help you heal and move forward. Just click the button below!

interested in working together? let’s chat!

BOOK A FREE 15 MINUTE CONSULTATION

Effects of Emotional Abuse on Your Brain and Body

The effects of emotional abuse on your mental and physical health can be devastating and far-reaching. The psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship can cause long-term stress, fear, and sleep disorders.

It's important to know what these effects are so that you can recognize emotional abuse if it is happening to you—and get out of an abusive relationship before the damage is too severe.

Below are some of the lingering effects of emotional abuse on your brain and body:

1. Depression

The effects of emotional abuse on your brain can result in intense feelings of helplessness that may cause you to feel depressed. It may make you feel as though you are unable to escape from a situation that seems hopeless and this is exactly how your abuser wants you to feel.

2. Anxiety

Anxiety often manifests as obsessive thoughts about your partner's behavior or what they might do next. This obsession can make it difficult for you to eat, sleep, or focus on anything else in your life other than the fear surrounding your partner.

3. Physical Pain and Stress

Emotional abuse can cause physical pain. It may seem counterintuitive, but emotional abuse is often accompanied by physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, or other unexplained pain in the body. This is because high levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, actually change our brains and bodies in ways that make us more susceptible to illness and injury.

4. Low Self Esteem

Emotional abuse can negatively impact your self-esteem. You might start to believe that this is just an inevitable part of being in a relationship. You may blame yourself for what's happening in your relationship with your partner—and feel like you're somehow undeserving of more respectful treatment. You don’t always recognize how much and to what degree your self-esteem has been effected until you are away from the relationship.

5. Longing for Affection or Attention

You are longing for affection or attention from your partner, so much so that it becomes unhealthy for other relationships in your life, such as with your friends or family. You may find that you put up with increasingly bad behavior from your partner because you have become dependent on their approval.

6. Sleep Disorders and Nightmares

Have you been having trouble sleeping? Perhaps it’s a result of worry or anxiety about your relationship, or worse, frequent nightmares about what might happen in the future. Nightmares may also revolve around past fights and lingering PTSD.

7. Trust Issues and Approval Seeking

It’s not uncommon for you to have trouble trusting others, often thinking that they will be hurt again by another partner in some way. Those who have been abused are also more likely to seek approval from others to make sure that they do not upset anyone else after experiencing abuse themselves. You might also find you don’t trust yourself to make good choices in partners.

Tips for Healing and Recovery after Emotional Abuse

If you've experienced emotional abuse from your partner, you're not alone. Here are some things you can do to help yourself heal and recover.

1. Tell somebody. Now.

Emotional abuse in relationships is a type of homegrown maltreatment, and it's frequently challenging for victims to inform somebody regarding what is happening.

If you are still in the relationship, you must get out now. You will not be able to heal until you distance yourself from this abusive and toxic person.

However, when you begin telling people near you about what's occurred, you'll observe that many have had comparable encounters, and they'll have the option to help. Let the secret out of the bag.

It’s helpful to talk to a professional who can listen from an unbiased perspective. They can aid in setting up a treatment plan to help you feel like yourself again and work through this trauma.

2. Practice mindfulness.

An emotional abuse relationship is like a riptide — it will pull you away from reality and make it hard to think clearly about your situation. You will have recurring images and thoughts that will be present for awhile. However, learning how to be mindful of these and accepting them without passing judgment on yourself helps.

3. Learn not to blame yourself

It's important to realize that you didn't do anything wrong—abuse is never an acceptable behavior in any form. You are a victim of the abuser's actions and are not responsible for what they did to you.

But because the abuser has shattered your self-esteem and self-worth, you will initially blame yourself for many things - like staying too long, putting up with it. Eventually you want to get to a place where the blame goes on THEM not you.

4. Start to rebuild your self-esteem

Start giving yourself compliments! Write them down on sticky notes if it helps you remember how wonderful you are. The more you remind yourself how much worth you have as a person, the better you'll feel about yourself as a whole. This will take time.

Look for other areas in your life that you CAN esteem yourself. For example, are you a good friend, daughter, sister, etc? What about at work? Look for other areas of your life that you feel good about yourself.

Final Thoughts

Emotional abuse is a kind of domestic violence that can be hard to spot. All abusive relationships are toxic. The telltale signs are often invisible, such as a change in behavior or general demeanor.

When you're in a relationship with someone who abuses you emotionally, it can impact you in many ways, including your self-esteem, work or school performance, and mental health. But you can take the steps to recover and heal but you must want to leave.

Recovery is possible. Healing is possible. A better life is possible.

Does any of this resonate with you? Do you find yourself in a relationship where you feel like something isn't right? Let’s chat. I work with many people who have been the victim of abuse and want to put themselves on a path to recovery and create a healthier life for themselves.