11 Ways to Overcome and Heal from Childhood Trauma
Childhood trauma has profound and lasting effects on a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being, influencing their behavior, relationships, and overall quality of life. Experiences such as abuse, neglect, or significant loss can lead to feelings of fear, insecurity, and low self-worth, often manifesting in unhealthy coping mechanisms later in life.
These unresolved issues may - and often do - hinder your ability to form trusting relationships, regulate emotions, and navigate life’s challenges effectively. The trauma you experienced during your formative years—whether from abuse, neglect, witnessing violence, or other adverse experiences—may have disrupted your normal development and resulted in deep psychological scars.
Understanding the impact of your childhood trauma is crucial not only for healing but also for fostering resilience and creating a more fulfilling life.
9 Types of Trauma
Physical Abuse: Any intentional infliction of physical harm, such as hitting, beating, or other violent actions, falls into this category.
Emotional Abuse: This involves verbal attacks, constant criticism, or emotional manipulation that damaged your self-esteem and sense of worth.
Sexual Abuse: Any sexual exploitation or coercion, including molestation, incest, or exposure to inappropriate sexual situations.
Neglect: This occurs when your basic needs—such as food, shelter, medical care, education, and emotional support— were not adequately met. This also includes a parent(s) not being emotionally available or their inability to create a psychologically safe environment.
Witnessing Domestic Violence: You observed violence between your caregivers (parents or others) that impacted your understanding of relationships and safety.
Parental Substance Abuse: You grew up in an environment where your parent(s)/caregiver struggled with addiction that led to instability, neglect, and emotional distress.
Loss or Grief: You experienced the death of a parent or significant caregiver.
Community Violence: You were exposed to violence in the community, such as shootings or gang activity, which created a constant sense of fear and insecurity.
Displacement or Homelessness: You experiencing frequent moves, homelessness, or living in unstable housing situations that led to feelings of insecurity and trauma.
10 Effects of Childhood Trauma
Emotional Regulation Difficulties: You struggle to manage and process your emotions. This is often framed as emotional dysregulation and can lead to heightened sensitivity, frequent mood swings, anxiety, depression, or difficulty calming down after feeling upset. You might also find it challenging to distance yourself from your emotions as they feel very intense and overwhelming.
Relationship Challenges: You may struggle to relate to others. This can cause issues with trust, fear of abandonment, or difficulty forming healthy, secure attachments. You have developed a heightened need for validation, or you may struggle with intimacy (and emotional intimacy) or exhibit avoidant behaviors in your relationships.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Your negative or unhealthy self-concept, can lead to feelings of worthlessness, shame, or persistent self-doubt. You struggle with your self-esteem. This often continues into your adulthood, influencing decisions, career paths, and how you allow others to treat you (often negatively with limited healthy boundaries).
Mental Health Disorders: You are at a higher risk of developing mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), or personality disorders. These conditions can affect your daily functioning and overall quality of life. Anxiety and depression can lead you feeling stuck and unable to process many of the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing.
Physical Health Issues: It is not uncommon your childhood trauma and chronic stress contributes to physical health problems you may be experiencing such heart disease, autoimmune disorders, obesity, and gastrointestinal issues. This because the body often carries the stress of unprocessed trauma, manifesting in various physical symptoms.
Behavioral Issues and Impulse Control: You may have issues related to impulse control, increased aggression, or engaging in high-risk behaviors such as substance abuse, self-harm, or other forms of self-destructive behavior. Without identifying your triggers or working through your trauma, you will continue to act on impulse and engage in unhealthy behaviors in an attempt to cope with or numb unresolved emotional pain.
Cognitive Impacts: Sometimes, trauma can affect brain development, impacting memory, concentration, and decision-making skills. If, as a child, you experienced trauma you might have difficulties in school, struggle with problem-solving, or find it challenging to stay focused and organized. This might have continued into your adulthood.
Hypervigilance and Overreactivity: You have developed a heightened sense of alertness, constantly scanning for potential threats—a state known as hypervigilance. This can lead to chronic anxiety, overreacting to perceived dangers, or difficulty relaxing, even in safe environments. You are on the constant lookout for things that trigger you. This state keeps your body on high alert and in a chronic state of uneasiness.
Challenges with Boundaries and Self-Care: You often struggle to set healthy boundaries and may have difficulty saying no, feeling guilty for prioritizing your needs, or engaging in people-pleasing behaviors. This can lead to burnout and further emotional distress. You don’t know what it means to practice healthy selfishness or put yourself first. You may also be unable to identify what your needs are because they were unmet in childhood.
Re-enactment of Trauma Patterns: You may unconsciously re-enact trauma patterns in your adult lives, such as engaging in toxic relationships or repeating behaviors that mirror past experiences. This cycle can perpetuate the trauma and hinder healing.
11 Ways to Start Your Healing Process
Healing from childhood trauma is a deeply personal and often long journey that requires self-compassion, patience, and the right support.
1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
The first step in recovery is not only recognizing that your feelings and experiences are valid but acknowledging the pain is an essential first step toward healing. Your self-awareness around these concepts is key to your recovery and engaging in the healing process.
But, this is only the first step. As you become aware of your trauma, making a commitment to making a small change and holding yourself accountable, is part of this process. Some ways you can start to make a small change are below.
2. Build Your Support System
Consider seeing a therapist, especially one who specializes in trauma. This could be a therapist who has experience in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), internal family systems, somatic therapist, or who does family of origin work.
Surround yourself with people who understand and support your healing journey. Trusted friends, family, or online communities can offer valuable emotional support.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Learning to practice self-compassion is often a challenging step for many people. That’s ok. However, if you begin to treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a friend, this is often the first step or one way that helps you reframe how you treat yourself.
It’s also important to recognize that your childhood trauma does not define you and that despite your upbringing, with intention, support, and work, you can overcome your trauma and heal. Learn to take the time and be kind to yourself.
4. Create a Safe Environment
Establish boundaries that protect your mental and emotional well-being. This may include distancing yourself from people who trigger your trauma or making changes to your environment to feel safer.
Learn to say no and set limits with people and situations that make you feel unsafe or overwhelmed. This practice is particularly empowering because it allows you to reclaim your autonomy without needing to explain or seek validation from others.
How to Practice Saying “No”:
Start Small: Begin with low-stakes situations, like declining a small favor or request from someone you’re comfortable with. This helps build confidence in asserting your boundaries. Choose something you feel confident that you can follow through and say no to.
Keep It Simple: When you say “no,” avoid over-explaining or justifying your decision. A simple “No, I can’t do that,” or “No, thank you” is enough. You may find that you tend to over explain or give too much detail when attempting to set a boundary. This often results in an emotionally charged conversation that makes you feel guilty and thus you end up changing your mind and saying ‘yes'.’ This leads to greater resentment.
Use a Calm Tone: Practice using a calm, steady tone when you say “no.” This reinforces that your boundary is firm and non-negotiable.
Expect Discomfort: It’s normal to feel uncomfortable or guilty at first, especially if you were conditioned to prioritize others’ needs over your own. Remind yourself that it’s okay to put yourself first. When you can expect to feel discomfort, it almost normalizes it and provides the context for you to move through it.
Reflect on Your Needs: Before agreeing to something, pause and ask yourself, “Does this align with my needs or values?” If it doesn’t, saying “no” is a way to honor your own needs. If you have to say each time, ‘let me get back to you’ as a way for you to ’pump the brakes’ then do that.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge each time you successfully set a boundary. Even small acts of saying “no” can feel empowering and reinforce your right to protect your space.
5. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Engage in activities that help you process emotions, such as journaling, art, or music. Start an Emotion Journal.
Practice mindfulness which is a way to learn to sit with your emotions and accept them, without judgment. Its how you feel and that’s it. You can also use grounding exercises which can also help you stay present and calm when triggered by past memories. Physical activities like yoga, walking, or dancing can help release stored tension in the body.
One healthy coping mechanism after childhood trauma is practicing grounding techniques, which helps you stay present and calm, especially during moments of anxiety, flashbacks, overwhelming emotions, or when your past trauma feels too close or overwhelming.
It also can help disrupt spiraling thoughts, calm your nervous system, and bring you back to the safety of the present moment.
The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise
This exercise helps anchor you in the present moment by engaging your senses.
Find a Quiet Spot: Sit or stand comfortably in a space where you feel safe.
Notice Five Things You Can See: Look around and name five things you can see, like a picture on the wall, a tree outside, or your hands. Focus on the details.
Identify Four Things You Can Touch: Notice four things you can physically feel, like the texture of your clothes, the chair you’re sitting on, or the ground under your feet.
Listen for Three Things You Can Hear: Tune into your surroundings and identify three sounds, like the hum of a fan, birds chirping, or your own breathing.
Recognize Two Things You Can Smell: Notice two scents around you, whether it’s fresh air, a candle, or your coffee. If you can’t identify smells, it’s okay to imagine ones you like.
Focus on One Thing You Can Taste: This could be the lingering taste in your mouth, a sip of water, or simply the sensation of your tongue
6. Learn About Trauma and Its Impact
Read. Read. Read. Importance is placed on educating yourself on how trauma affects the brain and body. The book, The Body Keeps the Score, is a great place to start. And Understanding the impact your trauma has on you, can start to demystify your responses and validate your experiences. This is an important step.
7. Engage in Inner Child Work
Inner child work involves connecting with and nurturing the younger parts of yourself that hold the trauma. This can be facilitated by guided meditations, journaling to your inner child, or visualizing comforting scenes.
One powerful way to do inner child work is through visualization meditations where you connect with and nurture your inner child. It will allows you to reconnect with the parts of yourself that felt unseen or unloved, providing the compassion and nurturing you may not have received. It will help you to heal past wounds.
Find a Quiet, Comfortable Space: Sit or lie down in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to relax.
Visualize Your Inner Child: Imagine yourself as a child at an age when you felt most vulnerable or hurt. Picture what you looked like, what you were wearing, and where you were.
Create a Safe Environment: Envision a safe, comforting place where you can meet your inner child. This could be a cozy room, a peaceful garden, or any place that feels secure and loving.
Connect with Your Inner Child: Gently approach your inner child in your mind’s eye. Notice their emotions and body language. You might see sadness, fear, or longing. Let them know you’re there for them now.
Offer Comfort and Reassurance: Speak to your inner child with compassion, saying things like, “I’m here with you,” “You are safe now,” or “You are loved.” You can hug them, hold their hand, or simply sit with them—whatever feels right.
Listen and Be Present: Allow your inner child to express themselves. They might not have words; it could be through emotions, body language, or simply a sense of presence. Let them feel heard and validated.
End with Love and Support: Before ending the visualization, offer words of love and support. Assure them that you are always there for them and that they are never alone.
Gently Return to the Present: When you’re ready, take a few deep breaths, slowly open your eyes, and bring your awareness back to the present moment. Reflect on the experience, perhaps journaling any feelings or insights that came up.
8. Embrace Self-Care
Prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. This could be anything from taking long baths to spending time in nature or engaging in creative hobbies. Learning how to embrace self-care after childhood trauma, is at times, emotionally challenging.
This is because your needs were not taken care of growing up and you are not sure how to use self-care as a way to heal or what it really means to embrace this way of being, of living.
Give yourself time to identify your needs. This could mean making a list or reading about ways to create more self-care strategies. Keep adding to your list.
9. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Give yourself permission to mourn the childhood experiences you didn’t have or the innocence that was lost. Grieving is a crucial part of healing. It is not uncommon for a person to stay stuck in the past, ruminating about the trauma or all the things you missed out on.
Going to this place in your life and starting the grieving process is healthy but staying in that time in your life will keep you stuck and create consistent and chronic negative feedback loops that will only thwart your recovery and healing.
Write a Letter to Your Younger Self:
Find a Quiet Space: Set aside some time in a quiet and comfortable space where you won’t be interrupted.
Address Your Younger Self: Begin the letter with a gentle greeting, imagining your younger self at the age when the trauma occurred. Write about the difficult experiences and emotions that your younger self went through. Validate your feelings, fears, and confusion, acknowledging that it’s okay to feel hurt or angry.
Offer Comfort and Compassion: Speak to your younger self with kindness and understanding. Let them know they did the best they could and that their feelings are completely valid. Offer words of reassurance and love that you may have needed at the time.
Express Your Grief: Allow yourself to feel and express the sadness, anger, or any other emotions tied to the experiences. You might say things like, "I’m so sorry you had to go through this," or "You deserved to be protected and loved." This allows you to connect with the pain of your past, honor the emotions that were buried or unexpressed, and begin the process of compassionate grieving.
Close with Support and Hope: End the letter with words of encouragement, reminding your younger self that you’re here for them now and that healing is possible. The act of writing can be deeply cathartic and provides a safe outlet to process and release some of the grief you’ve carried.
10. Reframe Negative Beliefs
Often, childhood trauma instills negative beliefs about yourself. Working on reframing these beliefs into more compassionate and empowering ones is a crucial part of the healing process.
Negative Belief: "It’s my fault this happened."
Reframed Belief: “What happened was not my fault. I was a child doing the best I could in a difficult situation.”
Negative Belief: "I am unlovable."
Reframed Belief: “I am worthy of love and care. My past does not determine my value or my ability to be loved.”
11. Celebrate Your Progress
Healing is never linear, and it’s essential to acknowledge and celebrate small victories along the way. This could be in the form of keeping a journal or a list of your progress - no matter how small. Whatever is important to you.
This will allow you to return to your victories along the way because we often forget about the small ‘wins’. But this is an important step in your healing process.
Create and Use a Success Jar:
Get a Jar or Container: Find a jar, box, or any container that you like.
Write Down Your Wins: Each time you make progress, no matter how small—like setting a boundary, practicing self-care, or reframing a negative thought—write it down on a small piece of paper.
Add to the Jar: Fold the paper and put it in the jar. Watch as your accomplishments accumulate.
Review Your Wins: On tough days or when you need a boost, take some time to read through the notes. It’s a great way to remind yourself of how far you’ve come.
This method provides a visual representation of your progress, reinforces positive change, and gives you a tangible way to honor your efforts and growth. Plus, it’s a lovely way to celebrate yourself consistently!
Final Thoughts
Overcoming and healing from childhood trauma is a courageous journey of reclaiming your power, finding your voice, and embracing the parts of yourself that were once silenced or hurt. While the path is often filled with challenges, it is also marked by moments of profound self-discovery, resilience, and growth. Don’t forget that.
Healing is not about erasing the past but rather transforming your relationship with it—allowing yourself to grieve, to set boundaries, and to cultivate self-love in ways that honor your experiences. Each step you take, no matter how small, is a testament to your strength and a movement towards a future where you are no longer defined by what happened to you, but by how you choose to rise from it.
Childhood trauma’s impact is profound, but it is important to remember that healing is possible. With therapeutic support, self-awareness, and healthy coping mechanisms, you can break free from the shadows of their past, rebuild your life, and develop a greater sense of self-worth, resilience, and emotional well-being.
